you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize