apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
