how can u be prego again
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
