Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
