Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
