Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i think i just lost a toe
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
