I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
