You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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