Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
