I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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