I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Someone came in the potted fern
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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