super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
