I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
