I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
