she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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