I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Randomize
