I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
