He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
