just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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