You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize