im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
