hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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