worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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