God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
