I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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