She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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