remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
