I seem to have left my pride at pride
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
