I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
