Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
