Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize