She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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