thus making me awesome and them whores
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
