I can tuck mytits in my pants
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
and she was petting her beer can
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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