You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
