3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
