How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
