My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
