what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
