I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
