and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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