wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
