Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I checked into jail on foursquare
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
