The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
