Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
