Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
