Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I think I just sharted jello shots
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
