He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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