Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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