When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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