can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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