Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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