8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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