I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
