I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
too bad you live with your parents still
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize