i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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