I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
