Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
