What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
