I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
