You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
