Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
