a queef is a wish your heart makes.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
