Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
